What if Oreo's were like Ortho Tri Cyclen?

I was just making myself a green shake and thinking about how so many of my healthy friends inspire me to be better.....

(Ok, so I don't actually know that girl but I kinda wish I did.)

The ironic thing is though, that as a society, we don't hold ourselves to our own standards of thinking.

Take being fat for instance. (No please, take it.)   It's not accepted. It's just not. Oh, don't get me wrong, we are compassionate to those who struggle with their weight but it's not tolerated in the sense that 'we' demand toleration about other issues. There is no shortage of talk show, infomercial,  or reality tv competition aimed at helping those out of shape and overweight to get healthy, eat right and exercise. But you would be hard pressed to find a show that promotes staying, or worse, becoming morbidly obese. Why? Because it's not healthy! (Well, partially because it's not healthy and partially because we are a vain society but thats a different post for a different time.) The point is, it's not open for discussion as a moral debate. Sure, we acknowledge that people have a desire to eat. Many are addicted to food. Some people just have no self control. For many, it's just a really difficult struggle and there's no question about that. But still you don't really hear about people fighting for people's right (in a moral sense) to eat fast food at every meal and lead a sedentary lifestyle.  No, society as a whole urges everyone to overcome their weakness and get healthy. In fact, I would say that we've seen a real shift in the 'health consciousness' of our country in the last 10 years. Restaurants post caloric values, laws are being proposed to limit proportions and we become more and more educated every day on the benefits of healthy eating and exercise. I mean really, did YOU know what a super-food was when you were a kid? My 4 year old can name at least 3.

Turns out though that we're a bunch of hypocrites because this same standard does not hold true in our norms for sexuality. Not even a little bit.

It's like society can't even think straight when it comes to sex. We're all, " Whats that you say Mr. Scientific study? Pre-marital sex can leads to disease, emotional distress, unwanted pregnancy, abortion, and depression? Well,  I'll just wear a condom or take a pill because, even though I still have a chance at contracting a deadly disease I've got to follow my desires! Whats that? Taking the pill can lead to bleeding, nausea, weight gain, blood clot, stroke and infertility? But like, come on, the alternative is using common sense, abstaining before marriage and within marriage having recourse to the woman's cycle? Uh....that doesn't sound fun. Don't push your religion on me. "

Well society let me tell YOU something about desire, sometimes I sincerely desire a pizza. Not some organic wheat germ disc with broiled tomatillos on it either. I want it hot. I want it cheesy, saucy and greasy and I want it all. Not good for my heart you say? Will cause me to gain weight? Give me acne? Make me groggy? But, I desire it. I'm hungry and I'm pretty sure I can't control myself.

No. But, seriously.

The thing is, it's not really even  necessary at all to bring the Church or religion into it either. Science alone can show you how unhealthy these things are for our health, our emotional well being and our societal relations. But if we tried to use the same approach to educate and repair sexual issues as we do with obesity there would be a national outrage. Just think about it for a second, a reality show where trainers took a group of people to a resort and helped them (in team competition of course) to overcome their addiction to pornography - biggest loser style. Or a show where a group of people came in and helped a family break free from artificial contraception and change their life. - Extreme Makeover- Home Edition. For real, though.

We get the concept of sacrifice and hard work when working toward a physical goal. Everyone is in awe of the dedication and determination of a marathon runner but when was the last time you heard a teenage boy being heralded because he chooses to remain a virgin until marriage?
Ok, well there was that one time with Justin Bieber and the Jonas Brothers. But then the media's response was  to make fun of them and place bets on how long those statements would last.

Oh yeah, and also,

So, there's that.

What about this new Paleo craze? Now, I'm no expert on the subject but I have done some reading. (And by 'reading' of course I mean Wikipedia and numerous friends facebook statuses referencing their spinach kale brownie recipe.) My 'research' shows that the concept of this diet is basically to eat as humans did in the paleolithic time period and the philosophy behind it is that our bodies were made to work in a certain way and if we treat them the way they were intended to work instead of filling them with artificial, processed, geneticaly modified substances riddled with carcinogens then we will be healthier, happier, stronger and live longer. Did I get it right?

Ok now stop. Go back and read that bold part again but this time think about artificial contraception instead.

 But it's true no?

Now, ok obviously my compare and contrast needs some qualifications. I realize food and sex are not the same. I realize that our sexuality fundamentally involves love and relationships and that those are in another category than eating disorders and that that affects the conversation on both sides of the issue. But stick with me for a minute because, all that aside, I'm making a point here.

My point is not so much about food or sex but more about desire, about objective truth and our response to it and ultimately about the struggle to be GOOD.

Lets think about this in more concrete terms. I'm happy to use myself as the test rat here. I, along with a gazillion other people in the world, struggle with my weight. Sure I might have a 'slower metabolism' than others and I'm over 30 and I have kids etc. etc. but at the end of the day I'm overweight because I eat the wrong things and I don't exercise enough.

I DESIRE to eat good tasting food and that can be a good thing. ( I mean, I live in south Louisiana. If you don't know what I mean by that then you clearly don't live here.) But sometimes I DESIRE to eat lots of good tasting/bad for me food. I know it's not healthy for me because the results of an unbridled determination to follow THAT desire is bad stuff (feeling bad, gaining weight and probably other more serious things down the line). So clearly those desires, if not regulated by the truth, are DISORDERED. My desires are disordered. I ain't too proud to admit that. Look, I'll say it again...

My desires are disordered.

Those consequences are true. Science has reasons for it and people's lives reflect it and we as a society accept that universally. Regardless of if you care about your health or not you can admit objectively that eating bad things and not exercising is bad for it. Thats what we call objective truth. It may not 'feel' good. You may not even care. But it's true regardless of how you feel.

If we even started with that realization about our sexuality we'd take a huge step. HUGE. Our bodies work in a certain way and when we are educated about how they work we know the ways in which we should be acting in order to thrive physically.

Pornography leads to bad things. Artificial contraception leads to bad things. Abortion leads to bad things. Extra-marital sex leads to bad things.

Objective truth.

Now, you can come to a knowledge of the truth and choose to ignore it or you can take steps to be better. Ultimately thats up to you. Thats where that struggle to be GOOD comes into play.

Really, and I'm not just saying this, I have an amazingly resilient spirit. I've always struggled with my weight and eating habits. But thats just the point, I've always STRUGGLED. I wont ever give up. I always start again and I'll always keep trying. And the truth is when I'm doing well, when I'm eating healthy things and I'm moving more, I'm much much happier. It's not the kind of instant happiness that a yummy meal gives me but a deeper, meaningful long lasting happiness. The things that hinder me are numerous but most notably are; laziness, fear and selfishness. I know the truth and I KNOW it will make my life better but it takes extra effort that I'm not always willing to give. I'm afraid sometimes that I'll work hard and lose out on things in the moment and bear NO fruit in the long run. (which has never been the case). Also, I know my health directly effects my family and sometimes instead of choosing the good for their sake I just plain do what I want anyway.

I would venture to say that this is the same struggle that many have with sexual issues. I think largely that people are just not educated on the physical, emotional and social effects that disorder in the sexual realm brings but I think they feel it. I think deep down they can tell that something is off, they feel bad or something is missing, they desire more.....  they get it but they don't know it. But beyond that when they are educated I think they are just like me; scared, lazy and selfish. Seriously, I've talked to women about considering a natural birth spacing method before and the mere thought of giving up their pill caused them to lash out at me like I was cutting their oxygen line. I've also talked to women who have become educated and changed their life because of that education and as a result are happier and healthier. Now, it's not an instant fix and it's certainly not always easy but I promise you it's worth it.

So lets see if we can apply our own standards of health to our sexuality and be consistent:

 The first step is admitting that some elements of your lifestyle are unhealthy; physically, emotionally, morally and socially.

Then, get educated. Don't get all up in arms because somebody challenged your way of living. Find out the facts and see the truth for yourself.

Then, and this is probably the most challenging step, GET OVER YOURSELF. You can't just follow your desires all the time and do what you want and expect to get the most out of your life.

Finally, be brave and strong enough to do something about it and then never give up. Find a community that will help you and then start. It will be hard work but it will be worth it in the end. I promise. You will fail and you will struggle but seeking the GOOD is worth never giving up.



- and for a more articulate account of the issue: http://verilymag.com/features/love-and-living-green/