My 2 cents on the 'Marriage' equality issue (not that anyone cares anyway)'

Stop Reading! - If you've made it this far I have a request; Please read the whole post carefully before you a)comment b) get angry c) assume that I'm going to say something horrible and ugly. I'm breaking my lenten penance on the last day of lent to write this.... (so you know I'm serious ;)

So, I have a number of friends on facebook who either;

1. Support the legalization of same-sex 'marriage'

and/or...

2.  they themselves have homosexual tendencies

Yesterday and today as I read peoples posts and comments I was struck by how woven into my life you  all are. You are my friends, past classmates, students, community leaders, teachers or maybe just facebook 'aquaintances'. Regardless, In one way or another you have been, and are in, my life. I want to start by saying, especially to those of you who you yourself have these tendencies;

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry for people who have said hateful things throughout your life. I'm sorry for posts on facebook or elsewhere by those claiming to be Christians who are ugly and mean. And most of all I'm sorry that these people have given you the impression that the Church shares their hateful sentiment.
Let me tell you, those of us who love the Catholic Church are as perturbed by those people as you are. They literally make whatever hopes we have of a truthful and loving dialogue come to a screeching halt. They make the Church's job waaaay more difficult because instead of spending her time and energy sharing the truth and love of Christ, she has to first make amends for those idiots, whoops, I mean children of God.

I'd like to try to repair your image of those of us who lovingly disagree with you. If you believe that we can disagree and still respect each other while having a loving dialogue to together discover the truth, then keep reading. However, if you're already feeling the urge to call me a bigot I urge you to find that little X in the top right corner of your screen and stop reading now. I don't deserve to be called names any more than you do. :)

Here is what the Catholic Church ACTUALLY teaches about how we are to treat those who have homosexual tendencies (and this is straight from the Catechism so you know its all official and stuff):

CCC 2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God's will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord's Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.

2359 Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection.

This section of the Catechism changed my faith in college. I had then, as I do today, many friends who were living a homosexual lifestyle and I didn't see anything wrong with it. As I was coming to know more about my faith and foster a genuine relationship with Christ and His Church it was the one issue that I didnt 'get' at all. If this was just about people 'loving each other', I thought, then what was the big deal? (Also, I really liked watching Will & Grace.)

What I came to understand in time was that it is precisely BECAUSE its about people loving each other that it is such a BIG DEAL.


Look, I know the Catholic Church can seem antiquated and restrictive to those who view her from the outside but here's the thing, she only makes a big deal out of things that are actually a BIG DEAL. Here is the first point that those of you on the other side of the fence on this issue and the Church actually agree! You are fighting for this because you know it is so very important. The Church responds with a resounding "YES, IT IS FREAKING IMPORTANT!" (I'm paraphrasing of course). And the thing is you can't have it both ways....either you stick with the broken record phrase "why do you care, it's not hurting you." or you admit that it is an issue of utmost importance to you and to all of society because it deals with who you love, how you live and how you flourish in a society. It either matters, or it doesn't.


Some will say that this is simply a legal issue, that you just want the same legal rights given you that those of us who are married have. I'm calling your bluff on that one. If this were simply a legal issue you wouldn't care if your union was called 'marriage' or 'civil union' or 'supercalafragalisticexpiala-union' as long as it came with the same rights. Right?


But you do care. You care because you know that the word MARRIAGE means ...something. In fact, you know that marriage means a great deal. This is something else we agree completely on.


(you didn't know we agreed so much did you?)

If you still insist at this point that this is simply a legal issue then lets agree to create a new word, title, something, with new laws and call same-sex legal unions something else. You may go now, you are excused.

No? You want to keep the title 'marriage'? Ok then, lets move forward.

Here, my friends, is the REAL question. What IS marriage? Is marriage something that is and has always meant something specific? or is it a word created by the state that can change as our society does? It's got to be one or the other, but not both. This is a valid question and its really the heart of the issue.


The fact is, long before our modern time, since the beginning of time actually, the marriage union has existed as the union of man and woman. Countless cultures have perpetuated the definition of this union in the same way. I'm not even talking about the bible or religion here. AND...homosexuality has also always existed so its not just that we've added a new type of relationship in recent history. So, outside of government (per se) and laws, marriage has always, in a sense, been at the heart of every community of people. Why? Because the first people did it that way and we didnt feel like changing it? No, because the union of man and woman is how children come about and children being born IS how we go on as a human race. Even if you use scientifically engineered ways of going about it you still, at the end of the day, need the union of a man and a woman's genes to create new life. There is no other way to do it.


Why? Because God said so? Maybe, but lets put that aside for a second. The fact is, it is that way...well, because thats just how it is. It IS what it IS. It's not a decision we can make or unmake. It just IS. Look! another thing we agree on! Man stuff and woman stuff makes baby stuff. There is no disagreeing because there is no other option.

That poorly constructed paragraph there is a very simple understanding of those two little words you keep hearing thrown around out there..."natural law". The appeal to natural law is not meant to be something mean, or judgmental. It's simply acknowledging that our bodies work in a certain way and that they always have and always will. We can all agree on that. Our bodies have a meaning that the state did NOT define and that meaning is meant to inform and symbolize the marital union.

Ok, you're saying, but marriage is not simply so that we can make babies, its also about love and happiness.


See, we just keep agreeing! You'll be happy to know that the Catholic Church agrees with you there too. (surprising I know) She teaches that marriage is for procreation AND the bond of the couple. Cool. The thing is, you can't separate the meaning of our bodies and how THEY bond with the emotional commitment.

Why not? Because if you separate it then you're saying that marriage IS only about love and happiness. If it's ONLY about love and happiness and thats the definition we're sticking with then there are all KINDS of options. I could marry my father, or my son...or my mom for that matter. Groups of people could marry each other. I'm sure we could think of all kinds of interesting combinations. The fact is, if marriage does not already have an unchanging meaning then it can and must change constantly to fit the needs of a changing society. I dare you to find one serious historian who thinks thats a good idea for the flourishing of a society.  Go on..... I'll wait.

Seriously though, unless you want to say that the definition of marriage is strictly the union of one man and one woman or one man and one man or one woman and one woman who are unrelated and keep it exactly at that, you have to allow for any number of options. But that strict definition doesnt seem very 'tolerant' to those people who really feel like they are in love with their sibling and that marrying them would make them happy, does it?

Maybe some of you are ok with those kinds of unions, but I know most of you and I don't think you would be. If you insist that 'equal' means anyone and anywhere then you must be willing to promote this whole campaign all over again when others are denied 'marriage' because their significant other is their sister, or their father or because their significant other happens not to be human. What? If it's just about love and happiness.....?

The bottom line is this, marriage has meant something very specific and that meaning has come from the heart of culture from the beginning of time and from the meaning of our bodies. If we're going to say we have the right to change that definition and we're actually going to CHANGE the definition of marriage, which is what this whole issue is about..(changing the definition), then we have to agree to allow any number of options come along with that change.

Those of us who disagree with you on this issue, disagree because we actually AGREE that marriage is something unique and special and specific that has a meaning. If it is something true already, truth can't just be changed because we want it to be. To quote the great G.K. Chesterton, "Fallacies do not cease to be fallacies because they become fashions.” 

Furthermore, by disagreeing with you on this I believe that I AM loving you. Penn Jillette, a famous atheist once said "How much do you have to hate somebody to not proselytize? How much do you have to hate someone to believe that everlasting life is possible and not tell them that?" . If I believe this with all of my heart, mind and soul and I say that I love you yet I DON'T share it with you then my love means nothing. Tolerance is NOT love.


I say, those who say they believe in what the Church teaches and DON'T challenge you on this, don't really love you as much as they say they do. I give my children rules BECAUSE I love them. I risk being disliked because I want them to be safe, healthy and holy.

Let me close by saying, I cannot begin to imagine the cross that you carry. I am a broken, sinful human being who just wants other broken, sinful human beings (because there are no other type of humans) to know Christ and His Church and ultimately to live eternally with Him. Thats it. I don't get some sort of financial or emotional kick back by disagreeing. In fact, by disagreeing on this particular issue I get to be scorned, called names and looked down upon. I get to be stereotyped, called a bigot and not listened to. And, as we are already seeing in the news, disagreeing on this particular issue might very likely get me arrested one day. (Don't roll your eyes, its happening already in other countries and here.) So, I can't understand your particular cross, but I do understand the cross. It's not an easy one to carry for either one of us and I wish we could both be free of it but I don't see that happening any time soon.

It's holy week my friends, lets carry the cross together.


I hope this can be the start of a loving conversation about truth. I am praying for each one of you and asking for your fervent prayers as well.



More posts by people who, unlike me, always put commas in the right place:


READ THIS!!
http://www.osv.com/tabid/7621/itemid/10339/Rebuttals-to-arguments-for-samesex-marriage.aspx#.UVPEtNuQRPk.facebook

Here is an article that explains the point in a much more eloquent way then I ever could.
http://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2013/03/7912/

And, here is an interesting article from the viewpoint of a Gay Catholic young adult.
http://lifeteen.com/gay-catholic-and-doing-fine/