I'm moving on...
In June another page in the history of my life will turn as I say goodbye to doing campus ministry exclusively and start my new job. While the new job will still be at Wisdom and I will still be very much a part of the community and God willing still have the pleasure to serve the students in whatever ways I can, I will no longer be the campus minister.
In 1998 when I began school at UL (then USL) I did not darken the doorstep of the Catholic student center, not at first anyway. Eventually, my friend convinced me to go in one day and see what it was all about. I remember walking through the cafe doors with a lot of uncertainty about what I'd find on the other side. I don't remember much about my first encounter there but I can tell you my life was never the same again. It took a while to crack my hard skull but slowly and surely, God's presence and His Church began to become a reality in my life. Then, before I knew it I was hooked, changed forever and sold out for Christ. I not only met Jesus behind those doors, I met friends that would become lifelong brothers and sisters and yes, even my future husband. I began filling in the holes that my Catholic school education had left in my formation all while growing in an intensely personal relationship with the God of the universe. Before long I knew that there were only two possibilities here; either there was nothing more important than this life in Christ, or I was wasting my time.
If I was wasting my time then my whole life thus far has been a waste. When I left Wisdom after graduation, I left with a mission to serve this Church that I had fallen in love with and in the back of my mind even though I was saying 'goodbye' I knew that it wouldn't be forever. The next 5 years of my life were the most formative and amazing years of my life and certainly will stay with me forever as the immense gift that they were. In those years, I lived alone in a strange place where I knew no one, I learned to stand up for myself and my faith. I got my first adult job, I began a relationship that would become my vocation, I received an eduction that would change my life in ways I could never have imagined, earned my Masters degree in Theology, got married, lived in a fabulous city as a newlywed and had my first miscarriage. I would never be the same again after those years- and the change and conversion that came about because of them was an indescribable blessing.
All along I knew that it was the foundation that Wisdom had given me (grown from the roots of my childhood) that afforded me the amazing opportunities and adventures that those years held for me. So, when Duston and I received a call (literally and spiritually) to go and serve at Wisdom it didn't take much discernment to know that we had to say yes. And, here we've been ever since. Another 5 years of growth, happiness, loss, life and so much love. I have loved every minute working with these amazing young people (even if I haven't necessarily 'liked' every minute) and without a doubt I have learned volumes more from them than they have ever learned from me.
I feel so small on this side of it. Without a doubt I've fallen short. I feel like I could have done more, been more and let God use me much much more. But, it's especially in those moments that I'm humbled by my inadequacies that I am able to realize that it's really just not about me anyway. You don't own a ministry you serve it and the minute it is dependent on your personality or 'style' is the minute after you should have left. I hope to say that I have been transparent in this community. Oh sure, I know good has been done. I've been blessed beyond words to 'know' hundreds of young adults and to watch them go through that same process of falling in love with Christ. I have guided them gently in leadership and prayer. I have dried their tears, cried with them, laughed with them, been to dozens and dozens of weddings and even, unfortunately, one funeral. They all live in my heart and will always be there.
I always knew that I would be moving on sooner or later. There is an expiration date on relational youth ministry, especially for lay people. It may very well be our call but it is not our vocation and we all know our vocation must come first lest we forget why we're here in the first place. My children and my husband need me now in a way that is not compatible with this type of ministry. It is bittersweet because while I am of course sad to leave, I'm looking forward to what God has in store for me next. You can't really be sad about something like this for too long because it was all a gift in the first place. It wasn't mine to hold on to. I am happy and thankful :)
If I have prayed for nothing else consistently in the last 2 years as I felt the time to move on was near, I've prayed for capable, loving hands to pass this ministry on to. Who do you trust with the care of your children? As with everything else in my life, God has blessed me with an answer to that prayer in a way that I never could have anticipated myself. I can leave with peace and joy and I am especially thankful that I will still be a part of the community to be able to see and experience the abundant fruit that no doubt will be born in these next years.
To all of the students and parishioners and many many others that I've been blessed to know over these 5 years, thank you. Please pray for me and I will to continue to pray for you. I'm not really 'going' anywhere so a big dramatic goodbye seems trite but I am turning a page. I can't wait to see what happens next in the story :)
In 1998 when I began school at UL (then USL) I did not darken the doorstep of the Catholic student center, not at first anyway. Eventually, my friend convinced me to go in one day and see what it was all about. I remember walking through the cafe doors with a lot of uncertainty about what I'd find on the other side. I don't remember much about my first encounter there but I can tell you my life was never the same again. It took a while to crack my hard skull but slowly and surely, God's presence and His Church began to become a reality in my life. Then, before I knew it I was hooked, changed forever and sold out for Christ. I not only met Jesus behind those doors, I met friends that would become lifelong brothers and sisters and yes, even my future husband. I began filling in the holes that my Catholic school education had left in my formation all while growing in an intensely personal relationship with the God of the universe. Before long I knew that there were only two possibilities here; either there was nothing more important than this life in Christ, or I was wasting my time.
If I was wasting my time then my whole life thus far has been a waste. When I left Wisdom after graduation, I left with a mission to serve this Church that I had fallen in love with and in the back of my mind even though I was saying 'goodbye' I knew that it wouldn't be forever. The next 5 years of my life were the most formative and amazing years of my life and certainly will stay with me forever as the immense gift that they were. In those years, I lived alone in a strange place where I knew no one, I learned to stand up for myself and my faith. I got my first adult job, I began a relationship that would become my vocation, I received an eduction that would change my life in ways I could never have imagined, earned my Masters degree in Theology, got married, lived in a fabulous city as a newlywed and had my first miscarriage. I would never be the same again after those years- and the change and conversion that came about because of them was an indescribable blessing.
All along I knew that it was the foundation that Wisdom had given me (grown from the roots of my childhood) that afforded me the amazing opportunities and adventures that those years held for me. So, when Duston and I received a call (literally and spiritually) to go and serve at Wisdom it didn't take much discernment to know that we had to say yes. And, here we've been ever since. Another 5 years of growth, happiness, loss, life and so much love. I have loved every minute working with these amazing young people (even if I haven't necessarily 'liked' every minute) and without a doubt I have learned volumes more from them than they have ever learned from me.
I feel so small on this side of it. Without a doubt I've fallen short. I feel like I could have done more, been more and let God use me much much more. But, it's especially in those moments that I'm humbled by my inadequacies that I am able to realize that it's really just not about me anyway. You don't own a ministry you serve it and the minute it is dependent on your personality or 'style' is the minute after you should have left. I hope to say that I have been transparent in this community. Oh sure, I know good has been done. I've been blessed beyond words to 'know' hundreds of young adults and to watch them go through that same process of falling in love with Christ. I have guided them gently in leadership and prayer. I have dried their tears, cried with them, laughed with them, been to dozens and dozens of weddings and even, unfortunately, one funeral. They all live in my heart and will always be there.I always knew that I would be moving on sooner or later. There is an expiration date on relational youth ministry, especially for lay people. It may very well be our call but it is not our vocation and we all know our vocation must come first lest we forget why we're here in the first place. My children and my husband need me now in a way that is not compatible with this type of ministry. It is bittersweet because while I am of course sad to leave, I'm looking forward to what God has in store for me next. You can't really be sad about something like this for too long because it was all a gift in the first place. It wasn't mine to hold on to. I am happy and thankful :)
If I have prayed for nothing else consistently in the last 2 years as I felt the time to move on was near, I've prayed for capable, loving hands to pass this ministry on to. Who do you trust with the care of your children? As with everything else in my life, God has blessed me with an answer to that prayer in a way that I never could have anticipated myself. I can leave with peace and joy and I am especially thankful that I will still be a part of the community to be able to see and experience the abundant fruit that no doubt will be born in these next years.
To all of the students and parishioners and many many others that I've been blessed to know over these 5 years, thank you. Please pray for me and I will to continue to pray for you. I'm not really 'going' anywhere so a big dramatic goodbye seems trite but I am turning a page. I can't wait to see what happens next in the story :)
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